Married to a Cuban and living in Cuba (page 2 of 5)

One thing needs to be made clear... yes, your advice to this girl is legitimate. You have to be careful in this kind of relationship, that's for sure. You can never be certain—another certainty (!lol!)—except after some time.

But Viaje, I don’t understand your insistence on making it seem like only Canadian women fall into the trap. According to the latest Canadian census, in Quebec and Ontario, there were about 22,000 citizens (out of roughly 17 million people in these two provinces) who said they were from Central America and the Caribbean (unfortunately, Cuba isn’t counted separately). If we assume—let’s think big—that half of them are Cuban, we’re left with a huge total of 11,000 people. From that number, if we say, as Liniaz does, that 80% are liars and opportunists, we end up with a HUGE figure of 8 or 9 thousand Cubans who left their country as opportunists to settle in Canada over the last 30 years or so!

How many people leave the island each year already? I think we’re way off the mark. Yes, some Cubans take advantage of tourists’ naivety in all-inclusive resorts, but I believe the majority aren’t Canadian at all... At least, that’s what the stats suggest. You know Cuba really well, but sometimes, you should hold back a bit when talking about our country. Just because you have a cousin out West doesn’t mean you know everything about our ‘bestest country in the world,’ as a former PM once said 😉

It's a shame to ruin this conversation that was going so well. For once, we were avoiding sarcastic comments! Frustrating (or frustrated?), backstabbers... where did that come from?

Congrats Feriados, your post really brightened my morning...

I think Jessy wasn’t criticizing the people commenting on this post, but rather some people in everyday life who sometimes make awful or inappropriate comments about relationships with ‘foreigners.’ 😐

yeah, Feriados, you're right...

There’s still that sad but very true statistic: today, most requests to leave Cuba for marriage involve Cubans and Canadian women. There’s nothing I can do about that... We have a neighbor in Havana (Miramar, on 5th Avenue near the Minint museum) who works in the big building in Revolution Square with the stylized Che portrait on the facade... and he talks. It’s not just a rumor—based on his lifestyle, he must have a significant job..... even if he drives a Lada.

And he’s definitely not going to tell me about the many Cubans who leave the country by swimming, you’re absolutely right about that!!!

The thing is, those who apply to leave for marriage fit exactly my description—I can only observe it!

I’m convinced our sweet cousins are perfectly honest and sincere. The Cubans???

Those who’ve been taken advantage of keep quiet about it... they hide in a mouse hole...

Hi there, You're absolutely right—every now and then, I remind our friend viajecuba about that. I don’t say "Canadian," I say "foreigner," including the few of my own nationality. In Cuba, when it comes to marriage, it’s been the Spanish first, then the Italians, the French, Germans, Swiss, and of course, Canadians.

And of course, there are honest Cubans—you just have to take the time to get to know them and weed out the opportunists.

As for this new forum member’s comments, they’re definitely out of line.

You know, everything that's been said on this forum is really interesting! I've gotten answers and sometimes more questions. But what I noticed is that no women have replied or shared their experiences with me. Of course, there's Lapuce, but her comment was quite general. What I took from it was... you're so young!!! Despite that, you're all men, most of whom are married to Cuban women or have family there!

I'm not criticizing, far from it! I actually thank you for taking the time to respond! I also thank those who messaged me privately—it was more constructive for me than the main thread. But where are the women who live or have lived the experience of living there instead of having their husbands immigrate here? There must be some.

If you didn't understand my question, it was that my boyfriend doesn't want to immigrate; he wants to stay on the island. He has a lot to lose and not much to gain by coming here, according to him. There must be someone out there who can share this experience with me!!

Have a great day!

I think it’s been mentioned earlier, but let’s just say that saying "I don’t want to immigrate" MIGHT be a new trick to help the relationship settle in properly. And after that...

I don’t want to burst your bubble, because I’m a guy too, with a Cuban girlfriend. To be honest... she left the country by marrying a Québécois, then divorced him after a year. So I know a bit about the struggle you’re getting into. I’ve heard horror stories about Cuban-foreigner marriages, as well as foreigner-wealthy Westerner marriages. What I can say is that 100% of Cubans who date foreigners do it to leave the country—or at least get financial benefits! ($$$). No matter what they tell you. If we consider that most (let’s say 80% to be generous!) Cubans aren’t faithful... even if you manage to go live there, I can guess how it’d end!! You’d eventually realize that the "cousin" isn’t actually a cousin, or something like that. Anyway, everyone here who knows Cuba will confirm it—you’ve got little chance of finding "true" love with a Cuban. I know Cubans here who have a wife and kids back home... and even MULTIPLE wives and kids... and no one knows! Pretty wild situation!

I don’t want to discourage you, because, honestly, if you meet a guy here in Quebec, there’s still an 80% chance you won’t be with him in 3 to 5 years. So, do what feels right... live your life if you dare... Just be aware of the risks. It *might* work out, just like it could with a Québécois!

As for living there, start with a month or two—preferably without spending your own money. You’ll see what it’s like to eat beans twice a day, 7 days a week.

Good luck!

Just adding something...

Actually, I’m talking nonsense, but the most important thing left to say is that even if 100% (or even 110%, to be more precise) of Cubans who fall for foreigners do it to leave the country, that doesn’t mean it can’t work!

I’m 5’8’’, and how many times have I heard girls here say they want a guy who’s 6’ or taller!!! Or guys who prefer girls with big busts! For Cubans, let’s just say the first criterion is being Canadian or European! Basically, what I’m saying is that it’s no different here. The only difference is that over there, they’re pretty focused on the wallet... and for good reason!

I might end up spending the night replying to you, but hey, whatever it takes!

About the idea of working there—well, forget it! Everyone keeps saying it, and I’ll say it again: it’s impossible for you to work in state-owned companies or even mixed enterprises unless you have a specific degree (like engineering).

If you manage to save up some money, say $5,000 CAD, you can easily support your family there for a year. You’ll eat a lot of beans and very little meat, but hey, that’s Cuban life! The ideal situation would be having regular income coming from here, but I don’t know your situation, so… good luck anyway!

Hi, Even in joint ventures, if you don’t have a specific degree (like engineering), it’s not even worth it. A joint venture or cooperative production company can’t hire locally—they *must* go through a Cuban company, which then offers them two or three Cuban candidates, all carefully pre-selected by them???????????????? The only possibility is for a foreign company to send you as an expat with a contract from the company’s headquarters, which then has to be approved by Cuban authorities after obtaining a work and residency permit.

To work in Cuba, there must be no qualified Cuban available for the same job who is looking for employment... given that there are qualified Cubans in every field, with the island's very high education level, there's no hope.

There are thousands of Cubans who speak three languages, and in the medical or academic fields, there are no openings. As for companies sending expats to Cuba in cutting-edge technology fields... there must be only a few hundred cases across the entire island, journalists included!!

NO CHANCE!!

Hey Clodooo, After reading the different comments, I’ll go ahead and share mine. Just remember one thing: a relationship between a man and a woman isn’t simple from the start—but you already know that😉. When you add different cultures, it gets even trickier, and if you throw in language barriers and different country cultures, you’re multiplying the risk factor. We’re talking statistics here. Of course, that doesn’t mean it won’t work out. For me, it happened, but not with a Cuban, and it wasn’t easy—but you’ve got to believe in it without putting yourself in emotional danger. What I mean is, don’t risk being devastated if the relationship doesn’t work out. Make sure you’ve got as many advantages on your side as possible, but even then, you can’t predict everything. I’ll admit that Cuba is a very appealing country that plays a lot on our emotions, and I love the country and the people who live there. I understand your desire to try the experience, and as they say, *it’s your ears*... good luck

Hey cloclooo and everyone else...

You wanted a woman’s testimony, so here it is! I should clarify that my opinions are just my own...

Of course, I agree with some of the posts warning you—yes, like in many other countries, marriages of convenience exist and are common in Cuba. (But no, it’s not 100%!!). That said, just because you’re 25 doesn’t mean you don’t know anything about life... It really depends on what you’ve seen and experienced...

I actually think moving to Cuba is the best thing you can do to start off on the right foot with your Cuban partner, "test" his sincerity, and, like any normal couple in the world, see if you click.... Especially since there’s an extra challenge (beyond the money difference): the cultural gap, even if it’s not huge, it’s still there. You’ll figure out later if you still want to live in Cuba or if you’d prefer to move to Canada. It seems like a lot of "rich" people don’t want to go to "poor" countries (as I saw in a post), but there *are* some cases where people live—or want to live—in Cuba despite everything! (My case, to be clear!!!) Because yes, it’s sometimes tough—not so much materially (when you don’t need much), but more mentally... Everything is complicated, slow, forbidden, and illegal... You clearly need a particular mindset: be super zen and patient (you’ll learn that in Cuba!!!), optimistic, motivated, but above all, very adaptable. You have to accept the rules of the game, etc... There are amazing days and really hard ones... Plus, you can feel lonely sometimes! It’s not easy to make real friends (especially as a woman, I think... Cubans can be a bit macho, and many don’t believe in friendships between men and women.... And women, despite the revolution making them "free," in reality, I find they’re less so... It probably depends on the environment, but I feel like there’s still too much "what will people say" weighing on them: for example, it’s weird for a Cuban if a girl goes horseback riding alone or with other girls... or goes swimming (at the beach or elsewhere) without her boyfriend...) It’s a long process... Acquaintances are easy, but friends are something else... Luckily, we have the internet now, which lets you stay in touch with family and friends outside Cuba.

That said, the hardest part is knowing under what conditions to move there: Working is tough, and the options are:

* If you get married, you can apply for residency and therefore a job. Obviously, finding work isn’t always easy (even volunteer work!!!), and it’ll be very poorly paid (average 15 CUC/month). You’ll need outside income (a few months of work in Canada per year or some kind of pension...). Personally, I don’t need much (food, nothing else... no or few outings, restaurants, or travel within Cuba, no car, etc...), and we have to live on roughly 300-400 euros/month for two. Be careful, too—if you help your in-laws (and your boyfriend/husband), it should really be the bare minimum so you’re not a financial burden! Don’t try to make them live like you do in Canada; *you* have to adapt to their standard of living (if you want a sincere relationship). You’ll be eating rice and red beans every day, little meat, and when there is some, it’s either mortadella or canned meat (sometimes it’s even "pork or beef by-products," etc...). Say goodbye to good beef steaks—actually, say goodbye to beef altogether (or almost!!!).

* Get hired by a foreign company and sent to Cuba. It’s tough because you need specific skills—maybe the easiest is in tourism. But be careful: it seems there are quite a few constraints if you want to live with your boyfriend (see Linaz’s post), and you’ll have to pay very high taxes...

Or, depending on where you are, why not enroll in university? There are student visas that let you stay for several months/years, and there’s surely a subject that interests you, even if it’s not useful for your job. It could be fun: meeting "real" Cubans, living like a Cuban, keeping yourself busy part of the day, etc... (I’d love to take a course on Cuban dances, of course, but that’ll be for my next life—this one’s already packed!!!)

In any case, you should try!

Otherwise, you can just come without working. As a Canadian, you’re lucky—you can stay in Cuba for 6 months without leaving. After that, you can either leave for just one night and come back (to Cancun, for example) or find a short-term job abroad that lets you return for another 6 months...

I wish you good luck and lots of courage! Don’t give up! Keep your eyes open—you’ll probably see if your husband is sincere or not (harder to tell from 5,000 km away)... Pay attention to who his friends are (are they all abroad? Are they *jineteros* or *luchadores*? Or do they seem uncomfortable talking to you...). Don’t give (many) gifts, no matter your financial situation. You need to make him understand that you’re making sacrifices for him (that the little money you have goes toward travel and shared household expenses). It’s important that everyone contributes, that they’re not relying on you to pay the bills... Remember, they were living without you before... I also recommend planning activities to fill your days without spending too much... Because if your boyfriend works, you’ll need to keep yourself busy...

Even if you can only spend a few months or years there, it’ll be a guarantee for a successful marriage and an unforgettable experience (for better or worse!). You’ll never see the world the same way again...

Hi Syrius, I find your email thorough and informative, and it matches Cloclooo’s question. Could I ask you to clarify whether you’ve actually lived in Cuba, and if so, for how long? As another member recently mentioned, I feel that—unlike your well-detailed and helpful post—some people jump at the chance, no matter the question, to dish out advice and warnings that are often laced with prejudice and disdain toward those simply looking for the best way to live out their love. I love this site and applaud members like you who show generosity by taking the time to provide objective information and refrain from negatively judging others. 🏴‍☠️ This strikes me as much more constructive. 🙂 Thanks

thanks...😊😊😊

To make a long story short: Between 2000 (when I met my current husband) and now, I’ve spent a total of nearly 4 years there... Currently, I spend 6 months a year, and I really hope to spend more... Maybe try to cut back on work a bit next year... that’s it!

Hi Syrius, can I ask what field you work in and if you live with your husband’s family when you go there?

Up until 1.5 years ago, yes, we were living with my husband’s family. It went well—they’re very kind and welcomed me with open arms. Of course, living with the whole family can be a bit restrictive at times, especially for us since we’re used to living alone and independently! But the house was getting too small (my brother-in-law’s kids were growing, and they didn’t have their own room. Until the oldest was 13, they slept in their parents’ room...). So we moved out, which, paradoxically, was tough for the family to accept... We thought giving the kids their own room would be a good thing, but they saw it differently. It was like we were telling them we weren’t happy with them. Once the step was taken, everyone quickly realized it was obviously much better this way, and we’re only a few blocks away! There you go!

Hi syrius, glad to hear from you, it’s been a while.

Your post is, of course, completely accurate and realistic. I can confirm everything and add a small detail: if you opt for permanent residency in Cuba (I did it for two years), you get Cuban status (a Cuban ID card for foreigners). That means that to leave the country (even as a foreigner), you have to request and obtain permission from the Cuban authorities, and depending on the case, it can take 15 days to get it (or even longer). In case of a health emergency in your family abroad, you’ll likely end up visiting their grave at the cemetery.

You’re absolutely right about shared housing, and I’d add the lack of privacy (having privacy in their presence is frustrating). I know Cuban families where the kids, even as adults, sleep in the same room as their parents.

Oh yeah, that's right!!! With the residency, you not only have to apply for an exit permit (relatively quick now, usually a little under 2 weeks), but you also have to pay 150 CUC for each exit!!!

Well, I'm back, and work is suuuuuuuuuper slow!!!! See you soon!!!