A Breton in Brittany
FR

Translated into English.

Original post
TO
I’m a Burgundian—true, pure, through and through. I’d never want to leave this region, which, objectively speaking, is the most beautiful in the world. It’s overflowing with wonders. But—because there’s always a but—I decided to marry a Breton, a true, pure, tough, stubborn one who only talks about that and has a flag in the hallway (tied to the Burgundian flag on the wall). That’s how my life went off the rails, and this is my story!

January 2014 The trip to Kenya was planned for September. We were deep into researching our future route! For once, I agreed to leave my magnificent region. But then, in the middle of a Manau song (cliché #1), she announces she’s got a bun in the oven. Before she could explain what that expression meant, I asked what kind of candy it was... We canceled the trip because the due date was set for September! Though, I could’ve gone alone. What’s that, my love? You say no? But... there’s no but? Alright, my love! Yes, yes, I’m drinking my herbal tea and going to bed!

April 2015 The trip still wasn’t happening this year either. I preferred to spend my savings on my son, whom I’ll call Mister M! One day, while she’s listening to Celkilt (cliché #2) and drinking Breizh Cola (cliché #3) in front of Breizh TV (cliché #4), she gets a phone call. Her family in Brittany invites us because they want to see Mister M. What joy... I loooooove my in-laws... No, I’m kidding. They’re nice. Yes, yes. Stop teasing me. Okay, fine, it annoys me even though I’m excited to discover the region. The only time I went there, I was 3 years old (in Brittany, not with my in-laws), and it rained a lot (cliché num... nooooo, my dad told me that, it’s not a cliché!). My wife, though, is thrilled to go "home" and show me around. Hmm... We’ll see at the end of the month... I’ve got 15 days of peace left.

Day 1 It’s the big departure. The two cats are at the kennel, the little one is ready, but the wife isn’t yet (I hate whoever invented makeup). The Punto is packed to the brim—one more handbag and it’ll explode. Here we go, off on the open road. We’ll stop in Carnac because with a kid, the drive is long, and my luck is that I’ll see my family before the big dive into the in-laws’ place. The one I’ll call Uncle Racist is on vacation in Carnac with his wife, Auntie PSG! So let’s make a stop there and take the chance to visit, even if my wife thinks the alignments are just "piles of stones." She’ll change her mind. In the meantime, I tease her by asking, when I see a sign, if Nantes is in Brittany. I nearly ended up in the eternal box from the sheer aggression. I’m not getting into that debate. Only my Burgundy interests me.

But we chat, we chat, and here’s Carnac. Uncle Racist welcomes us. It’s late, Mister M has already eaten and gone to bed. For us, it’s a good beef bourguignon (let’s be chauvinistic!) prepared by Auntie PSG. A football evening (my wife is delighted), and it’s time to hit the hay and dream of... Dijon. Really, what a beautiful region!



Just one photo for now, but the rest is coming for Day 2. Yeahhhh, I don’t take photos while driving, come on.
Hakuna Matata!
WA Wallis06 Veteran ·
Good evening, I’m happy to follow your travel journal too—it looks like it’s going to be full of humor! 😉 I’m also married to a Breton, and that’s how I discovered this beautiful region. I can confirm that "Nantes" is a touchy subject 😏
Mes carnets de voyage :http://deparlemonde.jimdo.com/
FD FDB Globetrotter ·
I’m excited to follow your travel journal... I discovered Brittany last summer while visiting friends, and I can’t wait to go back. Such a beautiful region! Even if my toes suffered from the little dip I gave them 😏
Faby
CA Caussat Globetrotter ·
Hi there,

I didn’t comment, but I really enjoyed reading this first part. Any follow-up?

Best, Caussat
TO Toopil Veteran ·
Thanks to you travelers who are following me on this long road to my in-laws. You're brave! 😛

Day 2 We’re in Carnac, and my wife woke up in a funny get-up. You know, like the Mamie Picard ad: "Piraaaaaaates!" "It’s a Bigouden," Madame says. I persuade her to take off this outfit, which isn’t exactly fitting for accompanying a proud Burgundian—especially not Uncle Racist and Auntie PSG, who were so embarrassed they didn’t want to leave.

"Are we going to see the piles of stones?" my wife says, purely to provoke me. How could anyone insult such a heritage site?

We take Uncle Racist’s car and park at the Carnac alignments parking lot. We head toward the stones when: "Ooooh, a souvenir shop! Be right back!" Off goes Madame (and my credit card) to spend some money. But surprise! She comes out pretty quickly—"too much clutter." Expert opinion!

Finally, we’re on our way to the alignments!



Well, it’s time to leave Uncle Racist and Auntie PSG. I’m tearing up because they’re the last family members I’ll see before heading to... yeah, those others, the ones from the other side of the family.

But breathe, my friend, breathe! Before that, there’s a stop in Concarneau—just the two of us plus Mister M.

We arrive safely and are welcomed at a hotel across from the tourist office parking lot by... a former Dijon local!!! Just what we needed to talk about home—it feels good!

Very business-savvy, we get a family room because we have a baby!

Thank you, Madame Breton-Dijonese. See you tomorrow for an even more active day!

I fall asleep thinking about Carnac. Hmm, I’ve already forgotten the name of my home region. Burgueude, Bourgeonne, Bourille... Uh... I don’t remember anymore... The shame...
Hakuna Matata!
CA Caussat Globetrotter ·
Awesome!!! 😎 😎 😎
WA Wallis06 Veteran ·
Ah! The follow-up was worth the wait—your writing is just as great as ever! Still so funny 😏 I’ll have to go back and see those alignments again. They disappointed me a little last time, but that was 25 years ago… maybe I’ll appreciate them more now 😉
Mes carnets de voyage :http://deparlemonde.jimdo.com/
LE Lescaribous Globetrotter ·
This review is amazing!! 😛

We’re having such a laugh 😄

More, more.....
"Homme libre, toujours tu chériras la mer" (Baudelaire)
TO Toopil Veteran ·
Once again, thanks for following along, and I'm glad you're enjoying it!

Day 3 Woke up with a start in Concarneau! Today’s a beautiful day—I’ll get to chat about Burgundy with our dear hotel manager.



I head to the front desk! "Isn’t Dijon a gorgeous city? And what a region we have! Don’t you think so, ma’am—"

She’s not there! Oh well, breakfast it is. A bottle in little Mister M.’s mouth, and my wife buttering her toast while singing Celkilt—it’s pure happiness. But... she’s singing *Petit Papa Noël* by Celkilt. And she’s buttering a *guitar*. She starts doing Celtic dances! And with his "goo-goo," my son hums *Le Loup, le Renard et la Belette*. What’s happening to me? I’m sweating everywhere! Aaaah, a Breton flag attacks me—NOOOOO!

I wake up with a jolt! What a nightmare (sounds like a cheesy movie script, I know...). Yelling woke everyone up. Alright, off to the shower.

After that, I can finally chat about Burgundy with our dear hotel manager. I head to the front desk! "Isn’t Dijon a gorgeous city? And what a region we have! Don’t you think so, ma’am—"

AAAAAAH my dream is coming true!!! I bolt outside to escape this demonic scenario.

Once everyone’s ready, we head to the *ville close*. I’d seen it on one of Stéphane Bern’s shows, and it’s always drawn me in.



We decided to go early, so we’re almost alone. Still, it’s already warm, and the sun is glorious. Not a drop of rain in three days in Brittany! Stupid clichés!



We love wandering randomly through the little streets—though not so little that you’d call them alleys. The shops are closed, so we get a peaceful visit (and don’t spend a single cent). We’re making the most of it! I’m falling in love with the *ville close*.



I love this atmosphere. I also love this church and its style, which is almost absent from my home region. We’re the birthplace of the Cistercian and Cluniac orders, so our religious monuments mostly follow a standard template (not that it detracts from their immense beauty). Here, at least, it’s different!



We roam around quietly all morning. Lunchtime arrives at a little restaurant in the area. Peaceful once again. But once we step outside—what a crowd! The streets are packed, and the crowd sweeps me away! Well, my *mind* is swept away. I’m less enchanted by the place now. But I close my eyes and hold onto the excellent memories of the morning. And it’s only April. I feel for the July and August crowds. Baby M., stay little forever so we can keep traveling off-season.

Back to the *tut-tut mobile*, heading to Quimper and... (long sigh). Yes... The excess of ellipses explains it... It’s time to see my in-laws... I’ll start with the least worst... H (the wife) and M (the husband). H&M. Yes, really! Tomorrow we’ll see another couple, J&B (true story). Are they all like this in this family? Seriously?!

Anyway, back on track. I was saying we’re driving to Quimper. After hours of driving in reverse to delay the inevitable, we arrive at H&M’s. Drinks? No! A city tour! My treat!

They take us straight to the old town, starting with this beautiful cathedral.

Then they insist we take the little train (the Celtic Train). The tour could’ve been nice if a kid hadn’t ruined it by screaming and making Mister M. cry. Why blame him? The kid’s full of life! No, no—just badly behaved, insulting people he passed while his mom ignored him, too busy taking random photos. That’s tourism for you. Even off-season. Aaaah... now he’s punished. With a pacifier! The madness! Anyway, I neither recommend nor advise against it (the little train, not the pacifier...) since I couldn’t form a real opinion.



Back at the cathedral square, I feed Mister M. in its shade. My wife and H&M take the chance to shop at this store with (in Madame’s words) "an insane selection."

I’d rather enjoy the life of this square, which I find really charming. I even want to prolong the moment. Well, I do! Once the bottle’s empty, I stay there, sitting and observing. Taking my time. So when I join the other three, I get a "What the hell were you doing?" and reply, "Living."

No, I’m kidding... I’m a coward. "Mister M. took a while," I said! Thanks, son, for keeping that secret forever.



We head back along the Odet to their apartment. I’m a little disappointed by this walk along the river—before our trip, he’d raved about the Odet promenade, describing it in *great* detail on that social network with the F logo.



Overall—and I apologize to Quimper lovers—this city didn’t totally charm me. It’s pretty, sure, worth seeing, but I wouldn’t call it a must. It was hard to follow the magnificent Concarneau.

Drinks? With pleasure! Why, after my 137th glass, is my head spinning? I feel myself falling. Aaaah, the comfy mattress! Goodnight, and tomorrow will be another beautiful day! (gets up to sleep it off)

Drunkard!
Hakuna Matata!
CA Caussat Globetrotter ·
Excellent!!! Thanks!
DO Dolma Globetrotter ·
Hi Toopil,

A few too many photos for me (I’ll never change), but your well-written story—otherwise I wouldn’t have read it—I’d even say really well-written, makes me laugh, and I wanted to tell you that. There, I’ve said it!

Don’t forget to write the sequel 🙂!

Dolma
un chemin et la caresse du vent, alors je pars en voyage...
TO Toopil Veteran ·
After a long absence due to a trip to Kenya and surgery, I'm back to continue this travel journal! Thanks for following me and for your compliments! 😛

Day 4 Toopil's note: If you feel like you're in a Care Bears world while reading this post, don't worry. It's all perfectly normal. You're not dreaming. Welcome to the mind of my wife, the famous Breton from the journal's title. Don't be surprised by these mood swings either—on top of being Breton, she's a woman. Alright, I'll let her take over. You'll understand why. Good luck!

Hello everyone, dear VFers. I'm Miss A., the wife of my maaagnificent and sooomptuous husband. Yesterday, he drowned his sorrows in alcohol to, in his words, "forget that my beautiful Burgundy is far away." He's too cute when he's like that. Well... This morning, he's maaagnificently sick. He's too handsome when he's ill (Toopil's note: yes, this woman is crazy). So, I take the wheel of our tooo strong bolide on this beeautiful road in my maaagnificent country. With Mister M., my siii handsome son, and the two members of my siii maaagnificent family, H&M, and without forgetting my love, my heart, my angel, my tenderness—basically, my drunk husband—we're heading to Aquashow in Audierne. H has a friend who works at this aquarium. Even though it was supposed to be closed, the staff decided to take matters into their own hands and keep the place alive. Just for their courage, I recommend you check it out.

But I'm chattering away—let's stop talking about clothes (and God knows I love them), we've arrived!

So, we're about to enter Aquashow, which looks sooo gr... Hey! Where is he? But... What the... HEY! HEY! YOU IDIOT HUSBAND! ALCOHOLIC! COME HERE, YOU HAVE TO PAY! MORON! HE'S GETTING ON MY NERVES FLITTING AROUND LIKE THAT! But he's sooo handsome when I yell at him!!!

Let's get back to our sheep. Well, our maaagnificent fish. You can find all kinds in this aquarium, and they represent the local wildlife. It's really interesting.

What? What are you saying, my siii pretty reader? The names of the creatures in the photos above? HEEEEE I'M WRITING A TRAVEL JOURNAL, I'M NOT WIKIPEDIA HEEEEE IDIOT!

Toopil's note: To bring the journal back to a calm tone, do this simple exercise. Close your eyes, breathe gently, and think of nothing. Feeling better? Let's continue our journal!

Thanks, my deeeear husband! So, after seeing all the local aquatic wildlife, we arrive at the bird city and its so maaajestic show! But what makes me laugh the most is Mister M. going incognito!

During this maaagnificent show, we're really close to the birds. We even get to see a demonstration of fishing by each aquatic species, thanks to a small pool, and it all ends with the great cormorants putting on a show and finishing in joyful chaos. They're so beautiful and so funny!

After that, we eat at the café where... HEEEE WAITER! COME HERE, YOU CLOWN! THERE'S A HAIR IN MY DISH. YEAH, WELL... What? You know my dear H? He's your friend. Oh, the hair? It's nothing, Mr. Waiter. Here's a tip. You're sooo talented!

The meal was good! We hit the road again toward Pointe du Raz. Well, yes, we're tourists—we're here to visit, even if those adooorable H&M say they've been here too often.

First impression: business is business. Paid parking and... Ooooooh, shops!

Toopil's note: Please be patient while Madame does her shopping. The editorial team apologizes for this pause. (elevator music)

Sorry, folks. I bought tooo many tooo pretty things. Well, the other siii pretty alcoholic who's my fooormidable husband grumbled, but he's just a stingy Burgundian. Let him sober up!

After a few long minutes of walking, during which I would've attacked my husband and H&M a good dozen times ("WHEN ARE WE GETTING THERE, DAMN IT! I'M NOT HERE TO WALK LIKE A DONKEY! NO, I'M KEEPING MY BAG! GET AWAY FROM ME! WALK FARTHER, I'M GOING AT MY OWN PACE"), we arrive at the famous pointe. Lots of people (remember, it's April), and I'm glad it's not August. To my great despair, the sea is calm. But... HEEEE COME BACK, YOU IDIOT HUSBAND. YOU'RE GOING TO FALL. AND HE'S NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME! GO GET HIM, H&M! QUICK, HE'S GOING TO FALL! ALL THIS FOR A LAMENTABLE SELFIE! ALCOHOLIC!

Let's move past this unfortunate episode to show you some photos.

But I think there are too many people, and I love quiet places. So, to make sure everyone understands, I pout. Because I like to show when I'm not happy. There, that's it! It annoys them, and we leave. Ahhh, now he's noticed. H suggests going to another spot, Pointe du Van, quieter and, according to him, prettier. Okay, fine! Let's go.

And since my adored H is sooo smart, he wasn't wrong. Ahhh, what peace, what calm, and above all, what a view of Pointe du Raz. The perfect spot! There's also a siii pretty little chapel here. Honestly, I love this place and recommend it! Thumbs up "like."

We take the road toward Camaret-sur-Mer, where J&B, my siii fooormidable uncle and aunt, live. I adore them, and I can tell my preeetty husband does too (Toopil's note: she's very wrong). Besides, my aaamour of a drunk has taken the wheel again, the siii good whisky having left his brain (DRUNKARD!!!). Since we're early, H suggests stopping by the Cap Sizun reserve. Why not?

It's a very quiet place (we're alone) and very pleasant, where you can really connect with nature. We wander along the paths and truly enjoy ourselves. It's relaxing and beautiful.

We leave our seagull friends—so numerous in this isolated spot—to get back on the road in our siii fast bolide. We're heading to Camaret, and... "WHAT'S THIS IDIOT DOING, HEADING TOWARD LOCRONAN? WELL, FOLLOW HIM, YOU MORON! Wait till we get there... I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. Hey!"

J&B were there. They wanted to take us to a crêperie and show us this charming village. Thanks to them for this little attention. They're sooo extraordinary.

Just like the village of Locronan, which truly deserves to be one of the most beautiful villages in France. Seeing this unique architecture really interests me. It's sooo beautiful!

As for the crêperie, I'll pass. I don't like criticizing, and this journal is so beautifuuuul that I don't want to sully it. After the meal, we hit the road (finally!) to Camaret. A good rest, and tomorrow new adventures begin! Ahhh, I love Brittany.

Editor's note: And as Miss A. drifts off to sleep, the tune "this Breton dream" plays in her head to the melody of "A Whole New World" from Disney's Aladdin. Shhh. See you later!

WILL YOU SHUT UP? I'M TRYING TO SLEEP, DAMN IT!!!!
Hakuna Matata!
LE Lescaribous Globetrotter ·
This little trip report is really nice! Following the logic of things, Mister M will take up the pen for the next day 😏
"Homme libre, toujours tu chériras la mer" (Baudelaire)
CA Caussat Globetrotter ·
Toopil is back !!! Excellent 🙂 Thanks for this ray of sunshine on such a gloomy day.
DE Devmukh ·


Haha, I had a good laugh.
Paul
GD Gdna Regular ·
Thanks for your report written with so much humor. However, while your wife tried to look like a *bigoudène* and some rather incongruous *bigoudènes* were on your hotel room door, you didn’t even go visit the *Pays Bigouden*! Oh well, since your in-laws live in Quimper, that’ll be for your next visit—which can’t come soon enough! *Kénavo*

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